Our 'scary' New Year's Eve dinner

So, for New Year's Eve we had a late lunch at Kiku in Springfield, which was AWESOME! Ryker, in his usual role, was scared -- of the fire and knives -- because of the stories his sister told. She'd been there before. I asked him in this video why, and he is playing the tough guy routine. As you can see, like most things that cause him anxiety (football, movies, soccer, amusement park rides), he ended up loving it! We go through this every time he has a fear. You'd think he'd trust us by now! Dan, by the way, loved it. He's been planning a return trip ever since, so if you haven't been, hit us up and we'll be glad to go with you! 

We should all be a little more like Dr. King (& Jesus)

I have always felt honored to that my birthday happens to fall on the same day as the birth of one of America’s great heroes – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. You know, ‘cause it’s really all about me.

Actually, I relate to him because I think he is often misunderstood – at least sometimes by some people. Because frequently his name is found in sentences with the word “fight.” As in, “Martin Luther King Jr. fought for civil rights.” It’s right there on Wikipedia, I tell ya.

Well, I suppose he did. But I take issue with the choice of verb because even though I didn’t know him personally, I don’t think Dr. King was a fightin’ kind of man. Sure, he rallied, protested and led others to do so. But he encouraged everyone to do so without using violence. Remember…he won a Noble PEACE Prize. I think sometimes people invoke his name when they are using methods of protest of which he would not condone. Plus, since a lot of violence was employed against him, I think sometimes people get confused and think he was mixed up in that. He wasn't.

I thought today was the perfect occasion for me to reflect on how Dr. King changed the world for me and for my children. And what is the relevance now, in 2012?

King was the epitome of peace. He believed in tapping into our individual strengths such as the use of intellect and voice, not to mention the power of collective boycotting.  Dr. King knew how to make a stand effectively for what he believed in.

And he knew the power that just one person could have. He believed in himself. While other African Americans (and sympathetic white folks) lived in an era full of racial injustices, they were either so brainwashed they accepted the injustices as reality or they felt powerless to overcome them. Not King. “Ultimately a genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus, but a molder of consensus."

He personally connected himself to the cause. "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character." And he related that dream to all he did. In other words, he treated ALL people just the way he said he wanted to be treated  --  by the content of their character.

King was arrested for sit-ins, stabbed, abused and hated. He had many enemies – the Ku Klux Klan among them. His house was fire-bombed and he was assassinated at the age of 39. Through it all, I’m quite certain he even loved some people whose very characters were unlovable. Because his actions were motivated by love. How powerful is that?

His spoken words, later memorialized after his death: “If any of you are around when I have to meet my day, I don’t want a long funeral. And if you get somebody to deliver the eulogy, tell them not to talk too long…. Tell them not to mention that I have a Nobel Peace Prize, that isn’t important. Tell them not to mention that I have three or four hundred other awards, that’s not important…. I’d like somebody to mention that day, that Martin Luther King Jr. tried to give his life serving others. I’d like for somebody to say that day, that Martin Luther King Jr. tried to love somebody…. I want you to say that I tried to love and serve humanity.”

What is his relevance today? What do I want my kids to know on this national holiday?

·          It’s OK to go against what society views as right or good, especially if it isn’t backed up Biblically. 

·          One person can make a difference.

·          Do good things because they are the right things to do, not for accolades or awards.

·          Be motivated by love, plus all the other fruits of the spirit that Dr. King also seemed to employ – peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Did I forget any?

·          Be like Jesus, who summed up the commandments to this: “Love God and love people.”

·          Accept and love people for who they are, not how they look.

Martin Luther King Jr.’s legacy is more than just prizes, the Civil Rights Amendment and speeches. It was how he lived his life and touched the lives of those around him. It makes me wonder, how can I make my legacy better? How can I help my children to understand that the way they act daily is their living testimony?

Why I changed my mind about Facebook and birthdays

I feel a tad bit embarrassed. OK, I admit that I’m flat-out ashamed of myself. I can’t even face you right now!

Somewhere between my Facebook “fast” of 2011 and our longest ever summer vacation and Dan’s hospitalization and a long list of other reasons why I was disconnected from the online social arena, I made a decision that I repeated to myself like a pathetic broken record all year. (Some of you have no idea what a record is, do you? Bad analogy. Sorry.) 

I decided I would no longer wish friends Happy Birthday – at least not via Facebook.

“It’s impersonal,” I told myself.

“Anyone can do it; it’s practically meaningless,” I argued.

“It’s a waste of time that I could be using in countless productive ways,” I said.

“I’ll tell my ‘real-life’ friends ‘Happy Birthday!’ when I see them. I might even send a card.”

That I could even convince myself of this last statement just proves I lie to myself. I can’t even remember what I commit to do as soon as I get home even two hours after I utter the words to someone. I don’t remember birthdays, except my children’s and husband’s and that’s only because the doctors' offices make you know these kinds of things when you call.

I’m extremely insensitive about things like birthdays and anniversaries because honestly they just never meant all that much to me. They are dates on the calendar, and my old introverted self doesn’t want the embarrassment of gifts or accolades. I know my loved ones love me, and that security is all I need. Or, at least I thought it was.

Recently I came to realize we all need encouragement now and again. It’s nice to know someone cares, and a birthday – or anniversary – can be (but doesn’t have to be…see, I still don’t want to be tied to dates!) a nice stopping point.

What is true is this:

·         I think about people often and the impact they’ve had on me. When I see them, I try to tell them. When I’m really motivated, I send a note.

·         I do my very best to send thank-you notes. When someone goes out of their way to do something special for me or my husband or kids, I want to acknowledge that.

·         I have a wonderful circle of friends and family who are encouraging and loving to me all year long.

·         My Facebook page made my day yesterday.

Yes, it’s true. I could not contain my smile when I woke up with the sun on Jan. 15 and there were 11 notifications on my Facebook account. By day’s end, more than 100 friends stopped by my page. And yes, some were short and sweet and didn’t take much effort. But for those few seconds, someone thought of me, and that feels nice, doesn’t it?

And then there were ones that just lifted my spirit and made me feel like I matter like this one:

“Happy birthday 'mom!' I'm so glad I'm  a part of your family now! :) … I love you! ... You are so supportive. I love it. ♥ by the way the cheesecake I made you is SO GOOD! ;) sorry you didn't get it today!”

And this one:

“Happy Birthday to my beautiful, talented sweet daughter. We love you very much and look forward to celebrating your birthday on the 29th.”

 

Oh, OK. It’s from my mom, so it probably shouldn’t count. But really, many of the people who stopped by and wished me Happy Birthday really mean something to me, even if I don't see them often. For instance, there was even a missionary friend from Africa who wrote “may the Lord continue to bless you.”

 

Yes, how true. I have been so blessed. Because of all of you. So, thank you. And expect me to write on your wall this year. I’m so sorry I was selfish and thoughtless in 2011.

 

My goal this year is to be more like my dear, sweet, encouraging friend Jill, who instead of sending out a “stock” birthday card mailed me a little note card with two of the sweetest sentences anyone has ever said about me. It’s hanging on my fridge. I may never take it down, except to frame it. It’s so nice and thoughtful, and while it didn’t take much effort, it meant A LOT. 

 

Yes, a birthday can be a good stopping point to slow down for two minutes and think about what that person REALLY means to you and then tell them. Who knows if you’ll ever get the chance again. From the bottom of my heart, thank you all!

 

 

Our small sledding excursion

Friday I wanted to stay and get a photo of a nurse at the hospital who works nights, so to break up my day, Dan brought the kids (who had a snow day) to Lincoln to go sledding and have dinner together. It was the second time getting to use the sleds the kids got from Mema and Papa for Christmas, but the first time using them in actual snow. (More to come about the first sledding later this week!) 

The first one down the hill: Mommy!! Abby wasn't thrilled when I grabbed her sled but then she gave me a push, or six to get going. It wasn't that I didn't weigh enough; it was barely a hill!

Once they made a couple "paths" with their sleds, they used those for a fast ride down the bunny slope. It was definitely fast enough for them!

Whee!!

Abby took a break from sledding to make a snow angel. She's using her foot to put finishing touches on her art. 

The kids didn't need a push, but a good shove would make them fly down the hill, across the park road and into a little catch basin. 

Abby gets a push!

My little angel. 

My little....other angel. :-) 

The slave labor. 

Me and Ryker trying a tandem ride. He loved it!

There were deer ALL OVER as we were leaving. What a great family evening!

The longest 10-minute ride...ever!

I love my children. Really, I do. I feel the need to repeat that: I LOVE my children. I would do anything for them. Throw myself under a bus, take their place in any physical pain or emotional heartache. I sympathize when they are in even the slightest bit of agony. “Oh, you poor baby. That paper cut looks really bad.” OK, you get the point.

I am prefacing my story with that, because I feel societal pressure to do so before I utter the next few paragraphs.

Today was the longest ride to school ever, and I wasn’t stuck in the backed up Route 29 traffic due to the .5-inch of snow fender-bender. It was the same 10-minute drive it always is, and yet, we couldn’t get there soon enough. When the last child exited the car, the door shut and I mentally uttered the words: “Good riddance.”

I know. I know. You’re thinking I’m a horrible mom right now. And maybe I am. But somehow I held it together for those excruciating 10 minutes while they sang screechy songs at the top of their lungs. They were actually competing to see who could sing at a higher pitch and more out-of-tune. Well, they didn’t say that, but I know my daughter can carry a tune, and I even found myself shushing her singing. It had to be intentionally annoying. A plot against me. Nobody does this sort of thing, unless they’re torturing Taliban prisoners. And then Ryker used the back of my seat like a karate sparring partner – kicking, pushing, punching. I thought I was going to be ejected from the Jeep at one point.

“You can’t be that loud while I’m driving,” I said.

 “I need to concentrate because of the snow,”  I said.

“Stop,” I said.

 “No,” I said.

 “Did you hear me???” ” I said.  

“I said CUT IT OUT!,” I said.

 “Stop it,” I said.

“ I said NO!” I said.

See how I tried to be polite at first, and then my explanations morphed into one-word commands. None of it got their attention. It was like the sight of snow this morning put them in an adrenaline-charged trance that prevented them from hearing my voice.

I was just about to give up when Abby began repeating everything Ryker said, or should I said screamed.

“Who are these obnoxious children?” I asked myself. What set them off? Some days they are quiet (really, I swear) and other days I just can’t reach them. They were too far gone. I was pulling into the school and thinking about how completely annoying this echo game is – so much so that doesn’t it bother them? I wondered. And then I remembered. I used to do it with my sisters. It must have driven my mother crazy.

And yet, she lives on and still loves us.

Of course, I love my children even still. I actually smiled about it as I pulled out of the school parking lot (mostly because I realized I dodged a bullet of 40 minutes of child torture, as traffic was backed up for a mile). And if the superintendent would have called 10 minutes later to cancel school, my smile would have turned upside down. This morning, I just needed to go to work and get away. “Today, you’re somebody else’s problem.” Yes, I really thought that. Sue me! Tonight, I’ll snuggle up with them, and they never have to know I was moments away from stopping the car and whooping them. (As if!) Besides, I was actually fantasizing about a snow day filled with sledding, snowball fights and hot chocolate by 10 a.m.

What you do when you kick off your shoe in soccer

I could not resist sharing this string of photos, even though it's not of my own family. It is, however, of my friend's daughter Addi who is practically like family. I think for that reason, it's OK. Plus, I asked her mom, or rather told her I was going to. The reason I love these photos SO much is because they just sum up Addi. Everything about her personality can be read in the images like a book. But since you don't know Addi, I'll do my best to tell you what's on her mind. I missed the first shot where Addi was kicking toward the ball and her shoe flung off. 

Thank goodness. A distraction from this game. 

 I'll need to put this shoe back on, but not right away. 

I'll walk over here a bit, not because it's out of the way of the play, but because this is a better angle so everyone can see me. 

This looks good. 

I can't get these on by myself, but I'm not letting on right here. Besides, I can probably figure it out if I have to. I'll give it a whirl. 

Ah, yes, my coach noticed there was a damsel in distress. It's good someone is paying attention around here. 

"Thank you."

OK, Addi's mom can tell me if I even got close. :-)  She's one of my favorite people to photograph, or I should say children. I love kids who have such a big personality that you can see it in all they do. Interesting kids, after all, will turn out to be interesting adults. 

Not just another blog

I've been toying with this idea for a blog that is ADHD specific, because it's such a HUGE part of our family identity. And because it's so often misunderstood. And because I'm tired of all the "self-help" ADHD blogs, and I wanted something that was real and sometimes -- or mostly -- funny. Of course, my first entry isn't humorous exactly. Except that families with ADHD children will probably snicker at a few parts. Abby is funny, and I think her ADHD makes her less afraid to express her silly side. In fact, she's wanted her own blog for a long time. She finally decided on the topic and name: Super Silly Stuff. I love that. I love that she looks at the world through rose-colored glasses. She always sees the best in everyone, and she's super compassionate. Except you wouldn't know it at first glance because she can come off as cold and distant (the distracted) or just plain undisciplined (the hyperactive). But to know her is to love her, and I know this is true of lots of ADHD children and adults. If we are patient enough to get to know them, because these relationships take time not to mention every single fruit of the spirit you can muster.

Most of the people who read my blog are close friends and family. I'm sharing this blog about Abby here in the hopes you will share it with others who might be dealing with this or similar neurological disorders. What I ask in return is your respect for Abby -- because me writing about her isn't embarrassing but talking about her ADHD is, so please out of respect for her, do not share these stories with her peers. :-)

And, this blog is very, very new, so it doesn't have much personality. Bear with me!

http://myadhddaughter.blogspot.com/

Action shots!

WOW. Thanks friends for your encouragement and advice. I took some decent sports shots today. They won't be winning any awards, but at least I am proud enough to post them on Facebook and put them in a scrapbook (you know, if I did scrapbooks, that's exactly where I'd put these). I even took photos of kids who don't live in my home -- for practice, and because I like 'em like my own. My kids have grown up alongside a lot of their classmates and teammates, so that makes them pretty special to them -- and to their sentimental mom and dad, too!

For instance, this is a friend of Ryker's since we moved here when his mom was in MOPS with me. They never miss each other's birthday. 

And these two troublemakers are Bible study partners at church on Wednesdays and Sundays, too. Looks like they're strategizing here. 

Ryker -- letting the ball get a bit too far out of his grasp. 

And the girl guarding him took advantage of that. He looked at these photos later and said girls are no good at basketball. Can you believe he would say that? Does he know who his mom is? Does he notice what's happening in this photo? 

Girl or not, Ryker doesn't like having the ball stolen from him, so he goes in for the attack. 

And easily regains possession, though at their end of the court. 

Love this action shot of the coach's son. He's got his arm out -- good boy! But that isn't stopping the other player!

Thanks Chad for the tips. I think I'm finally getting somewhere. And thanks, Kim, for the lens. It totally rocks!! 

This warm weather makes me want to...puke!

The comments, oh the comments are driving me crazy. Maybe quite literally.

If I read one more time about how someone’s day was turned on its head because of the faaaaab-U-lesss weather, I will….I will. Well, I don’t know what I’ll do. But I can tell you what hearing about it did to me. It aggravated my head and my stomach. That’s what it did.

I tell you, I am green with envy. I want to BE you– outside playing catch with your son, riding bikes with your daughter or heck, even pulling weeds all by your lonesome.

Hearing about the 60-degree temperatures while I sit in misery inside on a January day that should be filled with snow or cold or darn it, even just a cool breeze makes the veins in my head throb just a little bit harder.

I swear I’m not a scrooge. I don’t want to rain on your parade. And I absolutely despise people who complain non-stop. But today – on this day, another day in a string of days that are ridiculously unseasonably warm and beautiful – I can’t help it. I’ve been on the verge of a temper tantrum and the buildup is just too much.

I. Am. About. To. Explode.

Because for me, it’s not just day four of gorgeousness. It was the fourth day of my suffering. Not in silence, as my poor husband can attest.

About 18 months ago, I suffered my first migraine headache. Lemme tell you. A headache is to a migraine as a paper cut on your finger is to a hand amputation.

Granted none of my migraines have been as bad as No. 1 – two days in bed, unable to speak the first six hours or look at light. Smells and sounds were magnified so intensely I wanted to puke. I couldn’t even drive my own children to school.

Yesterday on day three of this migraine, I wasn't sure what was worse – the throbbing pain over my eye or the nauseating feeling in my stomach. Or, the fact that I have to tell my children to keep their voices down and no, I can’t play basketball outside with you because I can’t even walk to the mailbox and please do not bicker with your brother this morning. OK, I say that every morning, but I beg on migraine mornings.

I am so thankful now that I have a medication that lessens the effects of these headaches. It worked pretty well on day one. But on day two, the migraine returned halfway through my Wal-mart shopping where I was stuck in the baking aisle with no medication -- not even ibuprofen, and by the time I got home to my prescription medication, it was too late.

The misery was barely bearable. And the heat on my neck and cold pack on my head weren’t helping any more than the pill was. Two hours later, my husband suggested a heavy duty sleeping pill. I didn’t need much convincing. It helped me sleep pretty well – save for a couple of flip-flops during which I noticed Dan was upright in bed with his Kindle in hand.

In the morning, the headache was still there – a little better – so I popped another pill as I discovered the poor love of my life hadn’t slept. It seems I was moaning and groaning in my sleep. Yes, migraines are that excruciating. Pray you never get one. If you can identify with me, I’m so very sorry. If you have them often, I don’t even have words, my dear, because I can’t think of many other conditions that would drive a person to insanity.

So, I dropped off the kids at school yesterday and arrived at work in a state of fogginess. The migraine was back. I took a second pill. And then I felt VERY ill. It seems an empty stomach is no place for this medication. Headache and nausea were better; queasiness and weakness had set in and I felt on the verge of vomit -- my least favorite place to exist. After a bit, I finally had enough energy to grab some change and head down the hallway. I wasn't sure if I would stop at the bathroom to puke or make it to the vending machine for some pretzels.

I managed to force down the whole bag of pretzels. It took an hour. And as the day slowly progressed, I finally felt relief. That night, we all four made it to the Globetrotters game. And I survived.

It's beautiful again today -- day four -- with more of this lovely upper 40s and lower 50s weather in mid-January in Illinois. If you haven't figured it out yet, my migraines seem to be directly related to temperature. Luckily I DO get to enjoy beautiful days. Because the blood vessels in my head seem to be reacting to the sudden upward surge in temperatures. Sometimes the pain lasts 24 hours, sometimes several days.

Today it's much better, so I'm hopping on my bicycle and going outside to FINALLY enjoy the unseasonable weather like a normal person! Take that, you stupid spring-like weather! Oh, and bring on the snow, please!

New Year's Resolutions: My Pet Peeve

It really wasn't all that long ago that I was making New Year's "resolutions." You know, those little promises (aka white lies) we make to ourselves to feel better about the opportunity (aka blank slate) that was plopped in front of us with the purchase of an all-new, empty calendar. A new page, a new leaf -- whatever you want to call it -- the New Year has become a parking spot for dreams and wishes.

Or, just the opposite for some.

Because you see, in time, enough of these dreams and wishes go unfulfilled that we give up on resolutions.

For the last several days, I've read of my Facebook friends either throwing in the towel -- already -- on a resolution or simply resolving not to resolve in order to avoid the inevitable letdown.

I understand. And that's why I decided no more resolutions just a few years ago. I'm so glad!

But I did not and will not give up on dreams and wishes. What I did was turn my resolution into a game plan. I think you should, too! Yogi Berra sums up why in this simple quote: "You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."

Many of us breeze through life as if it's happening to us, and we have no control. In fact, your life is yours -- a gift from God -- and you can lead it instead of letting it take you on an unwanted path. John Maxwell says in one of his books on leadership: "Someday people will summarize your life in a single sentence. My advice: pick it now!"

Right now I'm in the second chapter of Dave Ramsey's book "EntreLeadership," and I love how he talks about dreams that while great, are not well-defined -- "big and fuzzy and in the clouds." That's kind of like resolutions, and that's why every year, I categorize several goals for myself. But I don't stop there, I include a list of resources (money, help from others, etc.) I will need to accomplish them and how or when I will accomplish them. Statistically speaking, people who write out their goals are significantly more likely to reach them. From experience, I have found that to be true as last year I checked off nearly every goal I set out to conquer.

Ramsey says dreams must be accompanied by a vision and mission statement. Even God advises us to adopt a vision as the Proverbs mention "Where there is no vision, people perish." It's not just why businesses fail, Ramsey says. "Where there is no vision, your marriage will fail, your family will be dysfunctional, you will stumble in your spiritual walk, you will get fat and flabby, and your money will disappear."

On my spreadsheet (no lie...I've made a spreadsheet with blank spots for me to check in quarterly to record my progress. I'm type A; can you tell??), I've got three goals in each of these categories: Family and Home; Financial and Career; Spiritual; Social and Cultural; Mental and Educational; and Physical and Health.

Dave Ramsey also recounts in "EntreLeadership" how he was encouraged by a mentor to write out a mission statement for his business and for himself. "Truthfully I hated doing it at first," he writes. "To sit down and put words to who we are and what that means was very hard. I guess some people like this stuff, but I felt like I had a term paper due. As I surrendered myself to a process that was stretching me, it became exciting. This idea of saying who we are out loud began to have some life-changing power as I worked on it."

It was encouraging to me that even Ramsey is resistant to change. I know I have been, and embracing change can sometimes be a process. But a mission statement with "life-changing power?" Wow. That sounds worth it!

Here's what John Maxwell has to say about change:

* Don't change just enough to get away from your problems -- change enough to solve them.
* Don't change your circumstances to improve your life -- change yourself to improve your circumstances.
* Don't do the same old things expecting to get different results -- get different results by doing something new.
* Don't wait to see the light to change -- start changing as soon as you feel the heat.
* Don't see change as something hurtful that must be done -- see it as something helpful that can be done.
* Don't avoid paying the immediate price of change -- if you do, you will pay the ultimate price of never improving.

I felt sad seeing my friends' posts about not changing or not making commitments to change this year. However, I understand. I've been there, too. And I hope someday you'll reevaluate that! We should always be moving or "Failing FORWARD," another Maxwell book, lest we become victims of our circumstances. This to me is the key to success, and it can be painful because oftentimes change means failing or at least risk of failing, which is viewed by society as negative to say the least. But good leaders know failing is often along the road to success. It's most certainly a tool God uses to grow and shape us. And I know it has a happy ending as Ephesians 2:10 says "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

That sounds life-changing and totally worth it!
Hope you think so, too.
Much love,
A